In my search for a proper night time tea, I found this box of decaf green tea.
Back in February, I stocked up on this particular tea for my Mom and Dad. Well, more for my Mom. I knew that she liked this stuff and found it one day while perusing the aisles of a local Christmas Tree Shop with my friend Barbara (whom I affectionately call B-Rock, but for reasons I don't care to reveal). For those unfamiliar with the Christmas Tree Shop stores: 1. no, they do not sell Christmas trees or related items all year long, and 2. it's a discount store, in fact one of the best 99 cent stores you can ever imagine.
So when I came across this box of tea in my cabinet, I momentarily lost my composure. Silly to be so affected by a box of tea. But I was blessed with good timing, being alone and in the kitchen. The sadness lasted a few minutes and then I moved on. Two months ago, I would have been on the floor and in the fetal position. It helps to be a little further along in the whole grieving process.
But what helped me most of all was this song by Adele. Yes, it's another romantic unrequited love song, but there's a line about making you feel her love:
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on you case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
My Mom may not be able to tell me in so many words that she loves me, but I know that, wherever she is, her love still exists. Thinking about this song helped me realize love that strong doesn't simply vanish. It gets passed on. It's something that she gave me, and I now have it for my own daughter.
Last night Masana had a nightmare and came up to our room to talk about it. After laying in our bed for two hours, she went back to her room and finally fell asleep. When she woke up (a little late for school, but that's okay), I made her pancakes and gave her lots of hugs.
If my Mom didn't love me as much as she did when she was alive, I don't think that I could be the kind of mother that I am today. And that's how I know that her love for me still exists. That's how I feel her love.
Adele/Make You Feel My Love