|Beginning to look like something.|
I'm trying to get two projects made for the price of one. Call me frugal.
Okay, this is day 94 and I'm finally going to share a song on my mixed tape that I have a LOT of issues with. It's Pearl Jam's "Daughter."
Back in my roaring twenties, I held my Mom accountable for some stuff that really hurt me. Yes, I was angry. Very, very angry. Being a selfish young woman, I couldn't deal with her and her platitudes about forgiveness. I went through therapy only to learn the language of psycho-babble which resulted in me becoming--if it were possible--even more self-centered.
My anthem during my time of "I hate you and everything you didn't do for me" stage? Pearl Jam's "Daughter," of course.
I'm a mom now and I know that there will be a time in Masana's life when all she can focus on are the instances of disappointment rather than the moments when I was her biggest cheerleader. That's life, that's motherhood. Most importantly, that's hindsight. I'm sure when we reach that point, I'll just have to suffer through it knowing that it will eventually end. Because I'm doing my best to put Masana above all the other people that shouldn't come before her. I know in my heart that I will never consciously let her down.
And I know that my Mom really did try her best with me. Our house and the (many) people in it were not the easiest bunch of characters to deal with. I just wish that I could tell her that all is forgiven. And that I'm sorry for being so hard on her.
Pride is a stupid thing when it gets in the way of loving someone.
Pearl Jam/Daughter (live SNL rehearsal)